8 Valentine’s Day Plans For People Who Hate Their Partners

The 14th of February, what a magical day. The day where everyone realizes that they’re stuck in the patriarchal system of commodification we now call love. If you’re one of those lucky gals, pals, and thals, and you’ve realized you still haven’t made any plans for the big V day, here’s what we recommend. 1. Have a big romantic dinner at an expensive restaurant Soaking in the exquisite ambience, the luxury service, and the huge numbers decorating the menu, you can pretend to fill the huge void in your heart over an indulgent meal that keeps your mouth busy so you don’t have to deal with saying all that remains unsaid. 2. Buy the most expensive gift possible You’re busy and incapable of showing any intimacy or vulnerability because you fundamentally cannot get past the mental barriers upholding your delusions and self-image. so you just open Toters, pick the most expensive thing you see and pretend that the higher the number the more love you’re showing. 3. Do the three simultaneous date movie trope Have three partners you hate? Want them all you to know the extent of your date at the same time. This covers all bases. Enjoy! 4. Go on a double date Preferably with a couple you secretly hate but always hang out with. As you sit there you reflect on the futility and inherent emptiness of patriarchal-monogamous society…and idk have a foursome after or something. 5. Have a public proposal I would genuinely prefer it if you’d put my head in the oven. 6. Plan a hike This one doesn’t even require any elaboration actually, why are you doing this? What happened to you? When did you become like this? 7. Go on a road trip Have you not watched any movie ever? Every road trip ends in disaster as the pent up frustration of the relationship comes to blows over stupid stuff like directions and car problems. If you survive this, maybe you don’t actually hate your partner. 8. Go on and on about how Valentine’s Day is a fake holiday made to sell more commodities and how it plays a large role in the deterioration of true community, bonds, and relations under the current order…