12 Lebanese Tips For Collapsing American Banks

Good Morning America®! We hear that a couple of your banks are going under. Over the past 3 and a bit years, the Lebanese population has become quite familiar with economic and financial collapses, so here are 12 ships we’d love to share with you. 1. You need a catchy slogan Something like a good old classic, “لا داعي للهلع” 2. The best strategy is always confusion If you don’t know what’s going on, make sure no one else does! 3. You want a great way to do that? NEW exchange rates! $1 = [$0.67 + (0.54*3)/2]^2 4. Google synonyms for Fresh Dollar That phrase is ours, so please do not infringe on our copyright. 5. Reveal the Federal Reserve chair’s affairs Illuminati conspiracies and the like are so 2008, give us something spicy, perhaps an affair with a c-list actress. 6. Time to make a $500 bill Please learn from us, 100s are so difficult to count. 7. Make your president say lemon doubly You’ll distract the masses for at least a week with that. 8. Make a bank marathon Why do I keep hearing about bank runs, bank runs, bank runs, let’s just have a whole marathon? 9. Buy LBP! Quick, before it’s too late. This is a deal you can’t miss out on. 10. Go on strike Indefinitely! 11. Make funny listos If Buzzfeed needs any help, they know who to call. 12. Come to Lebanon habibi There’s at least 12 things you’ll love here.