After writing the first installment of this series, How To Not Act Like A Douche At The Beach in Lebanon, a few of my friends insisted on hearing about female-douchebag beach behavior. After some discussion, we all agreed that the most appropriate term for a female douchebag is douchebaguette, which has since become my new favorite word. Take it away, ladies.

High Heels

(Image via Live Life Active)

Is a swimsuit not sexy enough for you that you have to add six-inch stilettos for more appeal and attention?

Sunscreen Face

(Image via Conservatives 4 Palin)

What is this habit of having a face covered in two inches of white sunscreen? You know sunscreen still works when it gets absorbed into your skin, right? You don’t need to have your face covered in a layer of it.

Ignoring Your Children

(Image via WhiCDN)

Although this tip is technically aimed at men and women, I’ve noticed this habit among mothers in particular who take their young kids to the beach then proceed to ignore them while they tan their asses. You need to stop. Please keep an eye on little Rami so he doesn’t pour sand on my face. I will not hesitate to bury him in said sand.

Hair and Makeup

(Image via Elite Daily)

Nobody thinks that your perfectly coiffed hair and you under-eye concealer/cat-eyes mascara combo is just a natural look. Plus, do you know how dumb you look when you get raccoon eyes being thrown in the pool? Extremely.

Baby Oil Mania

(Image via Reaction GIFs)

Thank you for being the sole reason that the pool has a disgusting layer of oil on the surface. Much like your male-counterpart, the douchebag, I’m going to assume that you too have a secret sponsorship deal with a tanning oil conglomerate.


(Image via The Je Suis Post)

I’m not going to console you or help you look for the bracelet your great aunt gave you because you were dumb enough to bring it to the beach. You’ll have plenty of other opportunities to wear shiny things that distract us from the fact that you can’t formulate a sentence; going to the beach is not one of them.


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