Stating that she only wants to live a normal life and merely experience the joy of surprise, renowned Lebanese fortune teller and know-it-all extraordinaire Leila Abdel Latif told reporters on Tuesday that she has grown tired of being right.

(Image via Musicnation)

“I just want to wake up one day and not know exactly what is going to happen,” said Abdel Latif, lamenting the fact that she has known everything since her fortune telling television debut back in 2003.

“Just one time I’d like to predict something and have it be wrong, surprise me – I’m hungry for a surprise,” added Abdel Latif, throwing her hands in the air in a manner than can only be described as “creepy” and “bordering on psychosis.”

Abdel Latif shared that she never feels like going out with her friends anymore because she already knows exactly what’s going to happen. The brunette-haired diva, who often identifies as the world’s premiere fortune teller and clairvoyant, said she hasn’t experienced the feeling of surprise in years, and anybody who has believed otherwise has been duped by her amazing acting skills. “I just want to experience feelings,” said Abdel Latif clutching her chest and making everybody around her uncomfortable, “I already know who our next one thousand presidents are going to be. Do you know how boring that is? You guys are just so lucky.”

Abdel Latif told reporters that she has tried several mind tricks and psychological hacks in order to rid herself of her tiring gift/curse. Mainly, she cited trying to make incorrect predictions on purpose, in hopes that her subconscious will be legit surprised when things go down differently. However, her ever-powerful and omnipotent mind always manages to win. “The universe constantly conspires to serve me, mind transcends matter, and everything I say happens.”

Disclaimer for the un-funny: This was a satirical blog post.


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Wael Wehbeh on Dec 4, 2014 via web