I am forever amazed by the indecipherable logic behind having shiny fabric morphed into formal men’s attire. The dignity and poise of a classic suit are entirely consumed in the process. Congratulations, sir: you look like a neatly polished pressure cooker.
You have no excuse whatsoever to incorporate bedazzled, sequined, glittered or any other variation of sparkly clothing into your everyday wardrobe unless you’re a 12-year-old princess on Instagram.
This common clothing practice, also known as ‘How to Grossly Emphasize Chest Hair 101’, has become a massive aesthetic burden on the shoulders of humanity. The world has had enough. Move on.
The major issue with this fashion faux-pas is the way your entire persona is channeled to the center of your belly. It’s not a particularly compelling spectacle. Trust me on that.
My brain is unable to keep up with the revolutionary philosophy of deep V-necks. Man cleavage is not appealing. Ever. Donate these to your girlfriend immediately.