Concurrent with the recent release of the seventh film in the Fast and Furious franchise, Lebanon wishes to remind its male population that it’s really just a movie. Yes, even though some scenes repeatedly show an inexplicable close up of a young girl’s thong in what could be confused as some sort of soft-core porn scene, we want to repeat this warning to you: it is just a (really bad) Hollywood film.

An additional advisory is also being issued in an effort to quell what many are anticipating will be a rise in steroid abuse by the general male population. While the Rock and Vin Diesel may have crazy big muscles, the women of Lebanon want to remind you that this look is actually fugging ugly. Please don't go there.

Lebanon also wishes to advise viewers that the really expensive car seen flying through high-rises in various scenes of the film was, in fact (and of course by use of the word, "fact' we mean "according to us"), designed by a Lebanese guy. We wish to remind viewers that they, too, can aspire to design very expensive cars if they put their minds to it and, in doing so, will surely bring immense pride to our country. Not as much pride as, for instance, Amal Amaluddine marrying George Clooney, but a source of pride that villages across the country can boast about for a few weeks, nonetheless.

Although characters in Furious 7 enjoy driving their cars at extremely high speeds, this does not mean Lebanese drivers should attempt to replicate such endeavors. For example, if someone is driving on Bliss Street at four in the afternoon, there is really no reason to rev up your engine and blast the radio at max volume to Drake's If You're Reading This It's Too Late. That's not just not the name of his latest full-length album, it's what happens when you can't be bothered to look up from your phone and end up running over some helpless pedestrian who was trying to cross the road. In general, people with very loud cars and motorcycles should know that revving your engines on the streets of Beirut just makes you a regular ibn sharmuta.

Also, if you intentionally enter a head-on collision with another vehicle, studies show a 490% chance that both parties will, in fact, die. IRL Paul Walker died in a car accident. And that's just kteer haram.

In sum, Lebanon, it's government and municipalities have come together to make just one simple request: they ask that you stop trying to make “blarab” happen. It’s not going to happen.

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