A group of scientists were fascinated to find that Lebanese people are unique not only in spirit, but in the biological and skeletal makeup of their bodies.

While conducting research that would help further the world’s understanding of Lebanese people and their physical attributes, a group of medical scientists at AUBMC have made some alarming discoveries. These findings are the result of a $4 million study in which scientists examined the mouths of over 10,000 Lebanese people of various ages and social status.

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“We first noticed something was off when the Lebanese jaw withstood pressure tests normally reserved for alligators” shared a junior member of the research team, “At first we were stumped, before reaching the conclusion that the years of complaining, chit-chatting, gum chewing, and constant lying have deformed the bone structure in the jaw.”

To clarify without medical jargon, the researchers made it clear that most Lebanese jaws are different than regular jaws, with more than 99% of them becoming deformed due to the sheer volume of complaining done on a regular basis, which is a strenuous workout for the jaw bones and joints.

Despite all this information being available to the public, scientists and medical professionals have little faith that anything will change. “Lebanese people love complaining,” claimed Dr. Farrouj of the Lebanese Speech Clinic, “it is part of their genetic makeup, and the feeling of gratification is just too great to give up now.”

This jaw deformity also has underlying environmental causes; Lebanon is a perfect host country for this jaw defect due to the lousy infrastructure, failing economy, stressful social life, and overwhelming politics. All the aforementioned factors demand that complaining and gossiping be practiced religiously.

Sources shared that scientists were also stunned by altered endocrine systems particular to Lebanese people, citing that these alterations in hormone secretions are due to heightened immunities from years of toxic exposure via food, air, water, and politicians.


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