Blessed are those who have the freedom to walk down the street and purchase a 9-inch strap-on dildo with a detachable vibrating head. Lucky are they, for they get to experience the pleasure called the “multi-speed Hitachi,” while we stand here holding vibrating toothbrushes up our collective clitorises and praying for success.

And blessed are the brave men of Lebanon; it is they who have dared to insert a medley of un-insertables into their backsides; it is they who have valiantly fought to pleasure their girlfriends with household items, and many of them have died doing so.

Just kidding.

But seriously, why don’t we have a sex shop? This Facebook post sums up #LebaneseSexProblems pretty well:



(Image via Facebook)

How many men and women have to forgo the sweet caress of a silicone dildo and instead try to screw their own brains out with a gag gift? Why has the state declared a war on our orgasms? Why do politicians hate fun and happiness? How many lame bachelor and bachelorette parties do I have to attend before we can get some dildos up in this bitch?

These are only some of the questions that come to mind.

But in all seriousness, there is a sense of shame and dishonor surrounding the idea of sex; and that is demonstrated by the lack of sex shops in Lebanon. For such a seemingly liberal country, we have skewed opinions about sex and pleasure as they are often seen as taboo subjects. Maybe if we had some more masturbation as a nation, we would chill out more – maybe we could even be stuck in traffic without wanting to stab every other person on the street.

But please, somebody find the man a sex doll for his “bachelor party.”

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