Hi everyone, just a short public service announcement for this upcoming Father’s Day: YOUR FATHER DOES NOT WANT ANOTHER NECKTIE.

Unlike Mother’s Day, we don’t get a barrage of advertisements and flower shops harassing us to be good children on Father’s Day, but just like Mother’s Day, we’ve got your back. Here are some things you can do to make this Father’s Day a special one.

(Image via mamaslebanesekitchen)

For the kibbeh nayyeh-loving father, we recommend that you book at his favorite Lebanese restaurant for lunch (my dad is partial to Mhanna). Let him order as much raw meat and Arak as his heart desires, and kick your mother under the table if she brings up his cholesterol – this is his free day. Laugh at his stories about the olden times when he used to sneak into the cinema ha ha ha great story, dad! Bite your tongue when, after his fourth glass of Arak, he starts insulting this generation, “When I was your age, I had six thousand jobs and eight dollars.”

(Image via Pine Land)

For the outdoorsy dad¸ the dad who loves getting his hands dirty, arrange for a trip to Pine Land, a resort surrounded by 250,000 square meters of pure nature. You can take part in many outdoor activities like hiking, rock climbing, and rappelling – which will also serve as a hundred opportunities for your dad to call you a sissy. Other similar options include EcoVillage or simply taking a road trip to Nahr Ibrahim and letting your dad skewer meats by the river like a weirdo.

(Image via Daily Star)

For the cigar aficionado, the dad who wears seersucker suits and swirls wine before he drinks it – call me. Just kidding. For this type of father, your best bet is to take him to one of the cigar lounges around Beirut. There is a Cigar Lounge at the Le Gray hotel in downtown Beirut, a gorgeous outdoor terrace where you can have a relaxing night of cigars and brandy/whiskey/whatever your poison is while enjoying the perfect view of the skyline. Similarly, there is Hemingway’s Bar and Cigar Lounge at the Mövenpick Hotel here your dad can suck down some of the finest cigars in town.

(Image via albertroxas.com)

For the thrill-seeking dad, go all out and rent his favorite sports car for a day. Take him back to the days of fast cars and spontaneous erections, things he no longer enjoys on the regular.

(Image via liveinternet.ru)

For the cultured dad¸ there are always tons of opportunities around town, like the Alessandro Safina concert taking place on July 27 – but you can surprise your dad with tickets on Father’s Day! Allow your father to enjoy the opera styling’s of Safina all the while imagining what his life would be like if he didn’t marry your mother. Happy. Serene. Peaceful.

(Image via popsugar.com)

For the dad who could really use a break, leave him the hell alone. Seriously, pack up your mother and siblings into the car and leave him alone with an internet connection so he can look at lesbians doing things to each other.

Happy Father’s Day! And remember, he’s not a real dad unless he insults your career choices during any of the above activities.

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