With the recent surge of popularity in the “dad bod”, Father’s Day is more than ever an important holiday. You could even say the most important holiday, ever.

We here at Beirut.com plan on celebrating this holiday to the fullest extent and paying homage to the original creators of the dadbod: Lebanese men. Here’s how our Lebanese fathers have made their mark in the Dad Hall of Fame, so to speak.

(Image via executivestyle.com)

Physical Attributes

--They never wear pants after 5:00 pm, they make the swift change to shorts or (for added insult) they may choose to sit around in their boxers.

--After they become fathers, Lebanese men will often grow a fresh batch of hair. Body hair, that is. It will become so coarse and dark they can take their shirts off and still manage to look like they’re wearing wool sweaters. Head hair will cease to exist or exist only in lonely patches across the skull.

--Potbellies (a kiresh) will seemingly grow overnight. You may start to wonder if your father is nine-months pregnant, but relax, it’s just a kibbeh and arak baby.

--The older they get, the more normal it is for them to wear just a white undershirt at all times of the day. Also, some days it seems like they’re trying to tuck both their balls and tits under the same belt.

--Raw meats are a staple food group and should be present at every meal.

--They consume fruits by the kilo cause you know, health.

Emotional Attributes

--Remaining as emotionless as possible, unless the emotion in question is sheer rage and anger.

--Once they develop a hobby or interest, may God help you. Whether it’s an obsession with the new surround sound system that they will use to blast Fairuz into your ears for weeks on end, or if it’s driving to the end of Lebanon to get 20 kilos of apricots that you will somehow have to eat within two days or else they will go bad, their hobbies are guaranteed to ruin your life.

--They have effectively made introducing your significant other to your parents a uniquely Lebanese experience (credits to mom here, too). You can rest assured the conversation will not be kept light. My new boyfriend doesn’t want to hear your near-death civil war stories, or your complex theories on geopolitics, dad.

--They never fail to remind you how disappointed they are in you, sometimes with a tight-lipped smile each time we talk about our careers. Other times, it’s an exasperated sigh.

They will make comments on how old they are a mere 57 times a minute, citing back pain as a killer, and reminding you how much healthier and more successful they were at your age.

To the chubby men with hairy backs wearing white undershirts and hunched over the table eating sawda (liver) for breakfast before chasing it down with arak, happy Father’s Day.

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