A Beginner’s Guide To The Holiday Season In Lebanon

Christmas balls be dropping…

Clear up your stomach a year in advance.

You won’t be able to survive holiday dinners otherwise. Take the necessary precautions at least 12 months prior to your first Christmas meal by freeing up as much stomach space as possible in order to avoid potential digestive malfunctions. I mean, you will end up overeating anyway but at least you won’t have to spend the rest of your life dieting.

Take 1,838,994,030 pictures of/next to Jbeil’s Christmas tree.

This has almost become a sacred Christmas tradition. You absolutely cannot get into the Lebanese holiday spirit unless you exhaust the photographs out of Jbeil’s festive ornaments from every possible angle.

Gear up for long hours of perpetually unmoving traffic.

There is no doubt that slow moving traffic is a functional part of our Lebanese heritage. However, holiday traffic dramatically exceeds its non-holiday counterpart in both intensity and frequency. Be psycho-emotionally prepared to hit those perpetually jammed roads in style starting December 1st. Don’t forget to pack some extra snacks.

Buy more gifts than Bill Gates can afford and then complain about being broke for the rest of your life.

If you do not declare bankruptcy by the end of December, then you’re not doing it right my friend. Now sing it. To the gifts, to the gifts, everything you own in the bank to the gifts…

Binge-watch Home Alone while stuffing your face with home-made holiday treats.

Because there’s no better time for the child in you to break free from all the social constraints of modern adulthood. Make sure to shower your mom/grandma with compliments emphasizing their outstanding culinary skills.

Instagram your Christmas tree.

This one goes without saying. Some people also like to walk Instagram through the whole decorating process through multiple pictures but you don’t have to go that far at this stage (maybe next year).

Psychologically prepare to meet your complete set of relatives at once.

It’s that time of the year where you cannot lock yourself in your room to avoid extended family weather-talk. Practice your smile two months in advance and prepare to survive hours of your relatives bragging about their kids’ lifelong achievements.

[Image via BlogBaladi.com]