Note for the humorless: This is a joke, these aren’t actual tips we’re dispensing.

If you’re one of those many Lebanese expats who has been living their own little life abroad, you may have forgotten the ins and outs of living in Beirut. If you’re ever considering moving back, you might want to check out these tips we’ve compiled especially for you.

First, try to get your own place instead of crashing at your parent’s house. If you can’t, check out these useful tips about moving back in with mommy and daddy. And of course, think of renting since you will never be able to afford to buy property here.

If you’re a girl, get ready for a total make-over (high heels, perfect hair, full make-up everyday, designer clothes, etc.) or get ready to be judged.

Planning your day to day activities will revolve on power cuts, get used to it. You will learn that you cannot blow dry your hair, run your dish washer, and have the A.C .on at the same time. And don’t expect to always have water for a daily shower.

Become friends with a pharmacist, he’s the one who will provide you with the precious anti-anxiety medication that will calm you after each crazy drive around the city. Or, just make Happy Hour a daily routine.

Everything you learned abroad about respecting others you will have to forget. Especially the part about queuing in banks or shops.

Your health won’t matter to others. they’ll continue to smoke cigarettes, cigars, and whatever else without even asking if it bothers you. Get used to choking on someone else’s smoke.

A day at the beach will cost you around $100, try to practice not fainting when you get your poolside bill ahead of time. Also, people will already be majorly tanned by mid-April. No pressure, but get golden or live as a ghost.

People don’t go to nightclubs to dance and have a good time, they go out to Snapchat and Instagram it.

You will get fat, accept it! Every outing in Lebanon involves food (and lots of it) so invest in a gym membership. Or just take the stairs instead of elevators, which is something you’ll most likely do because of the power cuts. See how everything makes a full circle?

But hey, welcome back!


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