8 Awkward Things We Wish Waiters Wouldn’t Say

Any job that involves having to deal directly with customers isn’t easy, and waiting tables is definitely on that list. But let’s get this straight: they sometimes have annoying phrases and useless questions that drive me crazy. I’m not here to trash the profession, as I feel that good service and a pleasant server makes a restaurant experience, but there are some things I just wouldn’t want my waiter to say.

1. “We have a low calorie version of that”

Hello. Did I even ask you about lighter options? Or did my love handles inspire you to just pop the question and you assumed I wanted to lose weight?

2.“I forgot to tell you we ran out of this item today”

I get that restaurants run out of things, it happens. But this information should be relayed as the menu is handed to the customer, not when I am actually ordering and already dreaming of the crispy escalope.

3. “Oh, are you waiting for the others to start?”

This usually happens when half the orders are served and you are still waiting for the other half. I mean, you work in hospitality so the least you could do to start with is make sure that all the meals are served simultaneously, and not sound surprised about good manners.

4. “Can you finish that?” or “Did you save room for dessert?”

It’s like asking if my stomach can handle all the food I’m ordering, “Is it stretched to capacity yet or do you want to put some fondant on top of it?”

5. “It’s only a soft drink!” when spilling the glass over me

Okay, accidents happen! But please don’t make it sound like I should be thankful that it’s not red wine you’re showering me with.

6. “Are you sure you don’t want to try our glazed salmon with a side of double cheeseburger?”

Stop shaming me into ordering food when I’m only here to order drinks, I didn’t do anything that’s illegal or wrong.

7. “I insist you try the Bloody Mary instead of the Gin and Tonic”

I hate vodka AND tomato juice, should I share with you my whole personal story to convince you of that, or could I just have what I ordered.

8. “Are you all done with that?”

It’s clear as day: a) my plate is absolutely empty, b) there’s a napkin in my plate, c) I haven’t eaten from my plate for a while. If you really must ask, just go with “Shall I clear this for you?”