Schedules are updated every Thursday.

Lama Hajj 09 Mar 2015

The So-Called Lebanese Kardashian Sisters Show: Where Brain Cells Go To Die

The highly anticipated reality show, The Sisters, premiered on LBC Friday night, and it is worse than any of us could have ever imagined.

Not only do they speak in a strange Frenchie-Arabic accent, they also use a sing-song voice that would make even the likes of Gandhi want to stab a sister, literally.

On a personal level, this show has broken my spirit and taken me to a very dark place. But, it has also given me a renewed purpose in this life: to save the housekeeper and the dog from the clutches of these dead-eyed fashionistas. Let us all save Abby and Stella.

Below are 44 thoughts I had while watching the show (fun fact: I doubt these girls have had 44 thoughts in their entire life).

1. Of course one of them has a tiny dog.

2. Yeah, I always wear 10-inch heels to drive a Vespa.

3. Oh wow, one of them just got off a flight wearing 600 inch heels, a huge hat, and sunglasses.

4. Now she’s pretending to talk to the guy holding her bags.

5. “MEEEEERCIIIIIIIIIIIII” – we get it, you speak French, calm yourself.

6. Okay now one of them is twerking while she drives. What.is.happening?

7. Oooooh driving with the car on “empty” what a rebel.

8. We meet the third sister: she’s meeting with a life coach. Please advise her to stop speaking to her family.

9. “khalasit business management bas ma khasni fiya” AHAHAHAH

10. She just referred to her sister’s Instagram profile as a blog…send help.


12. I would describe their Lebanese accent as “please don’t think I’m Lebanese, I only speak Arabic to the help.”


14. “Daddy solves all our problems.” This was just said, out loud, on television, to the public.

15. My dog just left the room, she can’t stand it.

16. She just told the cab driver to drop her home but not say a word during the ride – IS THIS REAL?

17. Life coach: “What’s your passion?” Nadine: “I have so much passion………………………….”

18. This life coach has dropped the name of his book three times in a minute, just no.

19. Come on guy, she clearly can’t read.

20. I feel so fucking horrible for that dog, living with these people.

21. HAHAHA She just ordered the housekeeper to turn off the television.

22. Dude…the housekeeper and the dog, let’s rescue them.

23. Legit can’t tell them apart.

24. Collective weight: 60 kilos. Pretty jealous.

25. They’re having a pillow fight 🙁 cue men ejaculating all over the country.

26. This hurts, how much longer?

27. The dog is off-leash: RUN.

28. An Instagram account is not a blog. YOU NEED TO STOP.

29. NO JOKE, she’s having a conversation with her trainer, “I’m only smelling food, I don’t want to eat anything hee hee hee.” WTF.

30. She’s yelling at the housekeeper again, stay strong Abby – I’m coming for you. #helpabby

31. The dog just took a crap on the floor, karmic payback.

32. Adorbs: dancing and riding in the cart at TSC Signature, as we all do.

33. HAHA One of them just said, “hofeless case.” Honey, no.

34. They’re baking a cake – the irony. Side note: my will to live is diminishing…

35. Poor Abby, again 🙁

36. “Abby never says no to me.” YEAH BECAUSE SHE CAN’T.

37. Your sing-song voice is making me want to stab you. I would actually pay to stab you. Please let me.


39. Fuck, there’s a fourth sister!!!

40. “I’m not very close to my eldest sister, I only talk to her on Whatsapp (pronounced whatsup.)” HAHAHAHA

41. One of them just got dumped by text.

42. Their house is pretty incredible.

43. My blood pressure will never be the same again; can I sue the production team?

44. Forty-nine minutes of my life I’ll never get back.

Watch the first episode at your own discretion: