Listomania
20 Tips For Surviving Life In Lebanon (Part I)
Living, and indeed surviving, in Lebanon takes superhuman qualities that only a small portion of the human population are able to muster up. Amazing at times, and extremely frustrating at others; here are our top tips for surviving and effortlessly blending in to everyday life in Lebanon.
1. Use terms like “bsheel” and “khaze2” as often as possible.
2. Be we27a/we2e7 because if you’re not, you’ll never get to the front of that queue.
3. Never, under any circumstances, drive through Achrafieh at 5 PM.
4. Don’t take a bus, unless you leave 3 light-years in advance.
5. Don’t drive behind a bus, taxi, or service if you value your blood pressure.
6. If someone says “smallah 3leike chou kebrane”, they probably mean it bel 3ared.
7. Get your nature fix from Horsh Beirut.
8. Don’t turn the AC/heater on and the hot water if it’s the generator.
9. Do order that extra garlic in your sandwich, your coworkers don’t care (and are probably on the same garlic dose as you).
10. Know that you’ll hate every car when you’re walking, and every pedestrian when you’re driving. Embrace it.
11. Never tell your Teta you’re hungry, unless you’re prepared to eat the entire village.
12. Ladies, add “fashionista”, “beauty blogger”, or “public figure” to your Instagram bio.
13. Lads, add “motivational speaker” or “gym/fitness addict” to yours.
14. Ignore all remarks about weight, appearance, and questions about when you’re getting married.
15. Don’t expect smiles when you want change for a $50 from your local forn for a 500 LL man’ouche.
16. Don’t sign up to a gym, unless you enjoy being bankrupt. Go running on the waterfront instead.
17. Don’t take up two parking spaces for your picanto, unless you want 20 people to simultaneously wish death upon you.
18. Don’t honk in traffic, unless you want 200 people to simultaneously wish death upon you.
19. Don’t just “go for a walk” in Achrafiye unless you love getting dog shit on your shoes.
20. Do make sure you take a chalet with friends in Faghaya (Faraya) and proceed to tell everybody about it for the next two years, all the while never going up in fear of getting stuck in traffic on the way back.