If Succession Was Set in Lebanon

HBO’s hit TV show Succession has taken the world by storm, with its characters achieving almost cult-like status on the internet. But what would this show look like if it were actually set in the chaos and realities of Lebanon? Here’s how we think it would go.

Logan Roy

– Lives in Tabaris
– Runs his media empire through a company called ROY & SONS
– Has a weekly meeting with Riad Salameh and all the politicians he’s bought off
– Was frenemies with Rafic el Hariri
– Pretends to be a devout for the clout
– Has a hotline to access the ISF and GS, has covered up multiple crimes
– Owns the most expensive chalet in Faraya

Kendall Roy

– Lives in Sodeco
– Goes out to AHM every weekend, returns home and cries for hours after getting junk food on the way back
– “The Thawra made points bro but politics is so useless, the future is in crypto and the Metaverse.”
– Has a plug that delivers the good shit right to his house
– Tries every new food trend that pops up, pretends to be a food blogger on Instagram

Shiv Roy

– Lives in Saifi
– Avid reader of Annahar aaaand is friends with Nayla
– Posts poems about the death of Lebanon on her Instagram every 2 weeks
– Thawra!!! WHY DO YOU PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LIVE LIKE THIS REVOLT RIGHT NOW!!!
– Beiruti high society during the day, the trenches of Beiruti polyamory during the night.

Roman Roy

– Lives in Downtown
– Thinks Political Pen is a good source for news
– Gets pegged by a famous local news reporter
– Hangs out with Michel el Murr Jr and Tony Frangieh for the lolz
– Has the most watched episode of Sarde After Dinner
– Runs an anonymous meme account on Instagram

Tom Wambsgans

– Lives in Verdun, wants to live in Achrafieh
– Originally from Saida, but pretends to be Beiruti-born and bred
– Hasn’t had a shawarma in 12 years
– Follows Haifa Wehbe fan accounts on Twitter
– Spends his day whitewashing genocide and crimes in the region

Greg Hirsch

– Lives in Furn el Chebek
– Only drinks during happy hours
– A local fuckboy just because he’s tall
– Pays way too much to get his hair cut
– Got canceled for spreading vaccine misinformation

Marcia

– Born in Tripoli, lives in New York
– Went to Paris, worked in mysterious conditions
– Married media mogul
– Divorced media mogul
– Refused to elaborate
– Profit