Forget Third World Problems, These are Lebanese Problems
You’ve heard of #firstworldproblems and #thirdworldproblems, well we don’t know much about that, but we do know a little something about Lebanese problems. Take a look:
1. Mixing Different Languages in the Same Sentence
This problem is bad. Like, really bad.
Weβre talking ruining-a-job-opportunity kind of bad simply because we canβt seem to construct sentences without including βinnoβ, βbasβ and βkhalasβ.
Itβs a curse, if you ask me; even if weβre talking to non-Arabs, we donβt seem to have control over the Lebanese words that escape our tongues.
Inno, itβs really difficult not to use them, ya3ni.
3. Our Names are Always Underlined on Microsoft Word
No, like why.
Why does autocorrect on Microsoft Word hate on us so much?
It is the most irritating thing to have red lines all over our word documents, but no matter what, Jameel and Rana and Khaled and Fatmeh seem to be marked. Ah, well. Haters are my motivators. *Brushes dust off shoulders*
4. If Mama Says No, Ya3ni It means No
Even if weβre 20, heck, even if weβre 40, when our mother says no β it means no.
If we look around us, kids gain their independence at the age of 12 but in our culture, no matter how old we get, no matter how far we get in our lives, if our mother doesnβt like our outfit, we change it.
5. The Hookah-Sharing Problem
This one is really annoying, particularly for non-smokers. They share one argilah (obviously, because it means less liras) and then argue over whose turn it is to smoke.
And take it as a rule of thumb, the person smoking the argilah has always βjust started, wallah.β
Even if the person weβre dealing with is not that much older, itβs awkward not calling them 3βammo. Our parentsβ friends, waiters, taxi drivers, our older brotherβs best friendβ¦ you name it. Kelon 3βammo.
7. When They Reply in French or English
I get that we’re a prestigious country that speaks more than one language, but I asked you a question in Arabic – why are you replying in French?
This issue is particularly problematic in salons, where everyone’s first language suddenly becomes French and if you don’t speak it, you automatically feel out of place. The worst part is when we ask how much we should pay and they reply, “vingt-huit”
Ving-hwattt?
8. We Can’t Eat Without Lebanese Bread
We don’t get full if there isn’t a fat rabtit khibiz sitting smugly on our right. The best part is that it doesn’t stop with hummus and labneh. Oh, no. We have it with peanut butter, with eggs, with knefe, with rice (I kid you not) and the creative list doesn’t stop there. Talk about patriotism.
9. Our Babas And the Remote Control
Our childhoods are spent waiting for our fathers to nap, just so we can steal the remote control and change from Al-Jazeera to Sbace Toon, because when they’re up – we don’t even think of asking.
10. Middle Names = Father’s Names
Middle names? Who needs to think of those when we simply can use our father’s names.
