Listomania
Your Guide To Pissing Off Your Lebanese Mom
Pissing off your Lebanese mom is probably not the best idea, but just in case you’re feeling extra brave today…here is how to achieve the ultimate level of a PO’d mom. (Or maybe consider this a list of things to absolutely AVOID?)
1. Da3wes lama tkoon 3m toshtof
Do not hit the “I’m-oshtofing-ma-7adan-y2areb” nerve
2. Misplace something from her collection of Tupperwares
How dare you mess with her sacred Tupperware collection that was curated over the course of 30 years?
3. Say that you like someone else’s food better
Especially if it’s Teta or Khalto. She’ll go on and on about how SHE was the one that who your khalto and teta how to cook like pros.
4. Switch the channel when her favorite Turkish series is on
Instant ja2ra that will scan you top to bottom until “bt7eso 3a damkon”
5. Come back home with an uneaten labneh sandwich she made in the morning
“Emet mn wej el daw hata lefelkon ya wled el kaleb w MA BTEKLOHA?”
6. Go outside without a jacket or a cap on when it’s rainy/sunny
And you better hope you don’t get sick or else she’ll be 20 times more pissed at you for not listening to her.
7. Believe her when she says she wants nothing her birthday or on Mother’s Day
“Ma 7adan be2adrne bhal bet” and other guilt-tripping psychological tactics for manipulation
8. Don’t immediately help her when she says “la2 ma bde hadan yse3dne”
Never ever believe her.
You can find some amazing hacks for these classic emergencies here: 8 Things You Can Do While Your Mom Rage Cleans.
9. Dare to ask her to stop for McDonald’s when you know too well fi mjadra bl bet
“Lesh men shu bteshke l mjadra? Kella hadeed w ento bas badkon akel zbele”
10. Order literally ANYTHING online
The beef between Lebanese moms and delivery services.
11. Touch or even breathe next to her vintage porcelain serve ware/serving platter
You thought these are for actual use? LOL.
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