The 16 Worst Things You Can Say To Your Lebanese Mom

There are some things that you just don’t say to your Lebanese mother because the mere thought of it sends shivers down your spine. Here are some things that we try to keep off our tongues. If you have any more terrifying additions, let us know in the comments below!

1. “I want to live/travel with my boyfriend”

If you’re smart, you won’t even attempt to say this phrase, mainly because she either ignores his existence altogether, or refers to him as your fiancee, even if you’ve been dating for only two hours.

2. “I’m thinking about getting a tattoo”

This will be followed by a slap, or a slipper thrown at your head.

3. “I don’t want to be an engineer/lawyer/doctor/architect”

Congratulations, you’re officially an embarrassment to the family.

4. “None of your business”

Everything is her business, even that little hair in your nostril that you thought you’d plucked.

5. “I don’t want to get married”

Yes you do. Oh, and try not to stay single past thirty as that would also be a sign of lifetime failure.

6. “I’m going to order food instead”

This will be followed by either 1) a lecture that there are people dying 2) her wartime struggles smuggling food into the village and how lucky you are to have access to good food.

7. “I don’t want to go to university”

Yes you do, as otherwise you’ll be jobless, homeless then you’ll die.

8. “I don’t want to talk to Khalto on the phone”

Your mother will proceed to yank the phone to your face and force the most awkward 30-second conversation (it will feel like a 10 minute one) of your life.

9. “I’m pregnant”

Warning: if you even try to utter these words as a single person, you will die.

10. “I’m moving out”

Of course you can move out… when you get married.

11. “Go on then, count to three”

You know all of hell is going to be let loose if you let your mother reaches three, so don’t push her buttons.

12. “I’m 18, I’m an adult!”

No you’re not, and you never will be.

13. “I’m going to stay at my boyfriend’s house tonight”

*cue another slap*

14. “I’m not sure what time I’m coming back”

You better know what hour, minute and second you’re coming back, and don’t even think about being late.

15. “Rami’s mom’s tabbouleh is way better”

We don’t advise saying this, not because you might get slapped, but because this will completely shatter your mother’s heart.

16. “I’m not taking my sister/brother with me!”

This was a pretty smart tactic to keep you in check. Till you ruin your sister too and both end up getting up to no good together.