37 Very Real Fears That Only Lebanese People Can Relate To

These anxieties are so Lebanese it (literally) hurts.

1. Fear of cold showers

Will the water be hot enough to shower in when you get home from the gym? Probably not.

2. Fear of life-stopping traffic

Driving 100 meters could take anywhere between 3 minutes and 3 hours.

3. Fear of elevators

Will today be the day that you get stuck in the elevator and die of starvation?

4. Fear of in-laws

You might even fear having Lebanese in-laws so much that you will never get married.

5. Fear of garlic breath

Happens to the best of us.

6. Fear of potholes

You’re cruising through a surprisingly empty street while listening to your favorite song and *BOOM* your car is resting in peace thanks to a massive unmarked hole in the road.

7. Fear of being natural

If you’re the type of girl who doesn’t like wearing too much make up and who likes to keep her hair untouched, that is.

8. Fear of under dressing…to the supermarket

Because whether you’re going to the neighborhood dikkene or out clubbing, you’re sure to encounter people dressed for the Lebanese Red Carpet.

9. Fear of food poisoning

Every single time you have a meal outside of the house.

10. Fear of losing your hawwiye

This is the end of the world because it’s the longest, most stressful process in the life of a Lebanese person to get a new one.

11. Fear of death after swimming in the sea

Because a spontaneous jump in the sea on a hot summer’s day could lead to toxic chemical poisoning.

12. Fear of fireworks

Firework? Bomb? Firework? Bomb? Firework.

13. Fear of parking

It’s always a gamble parking your car anywhere in Beirut.

14. Fear of telling your parents anything real about your life

What they don’t know won’t hurt them.

15. Fear of your natour being awake when you get home after a late night out

To look him in the eyes or to pretend you didn’t notice him standing right in front of your drunken face?

16. Fear of seeing everyone you’ve ever known at the beach

There’s no such thing as a peaceful beach getaway.

17. Fear of over caffeination

Coffee with breakfast, coffee after breakfast, coffee for lunch, coffee at dinner, coffee before bed!

18. Fear of telling Teta that you’re not hungry

The realest fear of them all.

19. Fear of being fat-shamed whenever you go to a family gathering

‘Yi leh hal 2ad nas7ane!’ Says your aunt when you’re actually really proud of yourself for having lost those pesky 3 kilos.

20. Fear of unmarked ‘speed bumps’

Revert back to #6.

21. Fear of actually stopping at red lights

Because if you do you’ll be harassed by the cars behind you and if you don’t you might die. Catch 22 a la Libanais.

22. Fear of being sexually harassed…by police officers

Every time you walk past a darake you know you’re in for a verbal offense.

23. Fear of stinking of cigarettes even though you don’t smoke

What’s the point of washing your hair ever?

24. Fear of going to Zara when they have a sale

Que the stampedes.

25. Fear of wearing ripped jeans in front of your mother

Ripped jeans make Lebanese mothers very, very sad.

26. Fear of telling your parents that you don’t want to become a doctor or engineer

You’re basically telling them you want to commit to a life of poverty and homelessness.

27. Fear of making your own doctor’s appointments

It doesn’t matter if you’re 30 years old – the doctor’s appointment phone call anxieties are real.

28. Fear of missing out on clubbing…on a Monday

Lebanese people live in a constant state of FOMO.

29. Fear of having Za’atar stuck in your teeth all day

You poor thing.

30. Fear of falling in love with someone only to realize that they’re your second cousin

Looking back on old family photos in the day3a can make for some really awkward realizations.

31. Fear of admitting to absolutely anyone that you’re not religious

Get ready for a conversion speech.

32. Fear of the long-anticipated ‘mega earthquake’ finally happening

And the aftershock tsunami, of course.

33. Fear of eating seafood

Because if the fish you’re about to eat came from our sea, then…you do the math.

34. Fear of garbage trucks blocking the road

A 2 minute journey can quickly escalate to a 2 hour road trip thanks to that one Sukleen truck.

35. Fear of killing a cat while driving

36. Fear of being referred to as a type of fruit

Ya ashta.

37. Fear of being stuck in quarantine

One pandemic lockdown is more than enough.