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Lama Hajj

Things That Are Sexual That Don’t Involve Actual Sex

Lay back, let’s take a journey together…these are the best feelings in the world:

1. Coming home after a rainy day, taking off your wet clothes and putting warm ones on and getting underneath those covers. Let the sheet envelop you as you close your eyes and sigh, drifting off to sleep.

2. Conversely, coming home from the beach – your skin hot and sticky. Set the air conditioning on low, take a shower and get under the thin sheet. Let the sheet envelop you as you close your eyes and sigh, drifting off to sleep.

3. A perfectly baked, warm brownie. You bite into it and oh what’s that? A walnut, because life is great.

4. Arriving to your destination and pulling into the perfect parking spot, snug like a bug.

5. Popping a fresh piece of bubble wrap.

6. Effortlessly sliding scissors down a piece of wrapping paper.

7. When you’re on time for an appointment and the person is ready to see you.

8. Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have five more hours sleep before you go to school/work.

9. Achieving perfect milk to cereal ratio.

10. The rush you get when you see there’s no traffic on the roads.

11. Getting an amazing head massage while being shampooed at the hairdresser.

12. A fresh baguette. Cue moaning.

13. Getting free tickets to events or movies.

14. Putting on fresh underwear and fresh socks and being fresh as a daisy.

15. A bone-in filet medium rare. Charred on the outside, pink on the inside.

16. When all your downloads are finally complete.